Love and it's Ever-Evolving Shape

I think all these new experiences and relationships I've been having have created more of a whirlwind than I expected or realized. I was sitting with Ryan at Brunch on Sunday and I actually started crying at the table sharing how I felt about all these things. He is so gentle and understanding :)

I guess maybe I'm making too big a deal out of all of this. I've met these new wonderful people who are so encouraging to me. But now that most of my other friends are back in town I don't know what to do. I don't want to disregard them. I still care so much for them. But it's hard for me to think about being around them. I don't really want to experience the stress and awkwardness and tension.

I know that there is a balance. And I know that I will find it. I just have to jump back into the game and I don't know if I'm quite ready yet. I know that these people are in my life for a reason. Maybe I can help bring a little more compassion and understanding. And now I have more than just two or so people that can build me back up and encourage me.

June...Bloom?

What is it about June? Apparently I only blog during the month of June. I just noticed that a minute ago. A week and a half left! Get it while you can people, there's no telling when I'll blog again!

In other news...

I got a new sketchbook/journal. I will maybe scan some pages occationally and post them as blogs. Here are my first two attempts:



I got some of those crazy scented markers and they are so fun! It brings me back to my childhood which is helpful because I'm trying to get back in touch with the freedom of spirit. I don't want to be self depreciating anymore!

Strange and Beautiful

I've never been surrounded by so many strangers that are so loving and accepting. For so long I've been looking for acceptance and validity in certain people and left feeling rejected and disappointed. That's not to say that I've not had people in my life that love me for who I am, my family, my husband, my best friend...they have, and always will be my strongest support system. I guess I kind of figured that I was always going to be in a situation where I didn't fit in. I'm too strange for church people, I'm not strange enough for my art school friends...But now, the feeling of love and acceptance and community that I've found! Not just like minded but like spirited. People who understand the thought processes and lifestyle of an artist and also have such a sensitive heart to the Lord. To hear His voice. To be His hands and feet on the earth. To be strange and beautiful children of God.



L'enfant de Dieu

I am a super lame blogger...

I'm not really sure what makes me such a bad blogger. I've never been able to be consistent with sharing thoughts, feelings...Even just daily experiences. I know for sure that I own at least 10 half-filled journals. I always start with great intentions. "I'll write twice a day!" "I'll write every day!" "I'll write every other day.." "I'll write once a week..." "I'll write when I feel like it..." blegh.

Maybe my expectations are just too high. I think I wish I was more witty. Or had something really important to say. I guess there probably aren't too many people who are reading this anyways. At least not people that I know. There are a few. And so maybe I just need to be more honest with myself. Be willing to let people know that I'm not that witty, I'm not a fantastic writer or philosopher. I'm just me. Sometimes I have something to say. Sometimes I don't really know what that is. But I have vision, love, hope, peace, talent, joy...And I will try my best to share them with you, the great internet masses of unknown.

Love,
*Cori